Negativity seeping in already with you when you read that?
“No can do it.”
“It isn’t as easy as it sounds.”
“Easier said than done.”
I’ve been familiar with all these phrases. Hell, I’ve HIDDEN deep behind these since I’ve known life. I do agree that they aren’t just phrases, they’re facts too. We’re humans, we have hearts, barring a few. It IS easier said than done.
I picked up writing this again almost a month later now. And unsurprisingly, I still feel the same as I did a month before when I started writing this. So as ashamed as I am to vocalize this out loud, I haven’t grown even a bit in the last four weeks. If at all, I’ve probably become worse. I’ve been at it since the last two years to “unburden” myself. what’s worse, I’ve actually gotten on more load on my head than I can account for. Seamlessly unloading myself of things, people, materials, feelings, anxiety, does not look like an option I would be open for, so easily. Then what? What’s the solution for this head banger phase I’ve acquired, and refuse to let go of?
I do not have an answer to that. after all, this is not a self help blog I’m writing. It is though, kind of, in a way. I’m trying to “help” myself by restricting my turbulent thoughts into language, alas, failing quite to an extent. I’ve been told several times that I do write well, but I need to get hold of a skill called “being structured, organized” in your thoughts, and ultimately , which will come out in your words. I have not yet achieved that. Which is probably why anyone reading this would probably scratch his head in confusion and wonder what the hell I’m trying to say. I do not blame you for that. Not at all. But understand that this is my way of ‘expressing’, and expressing cannot be structured, hardly so. Isn’t being unstructured and unspecific in your thoughts have its own charm, or has that also been lost in this world of conformity now? Last time I checked, writers, artists, musicians, theatre enthusiasts, all had that unnerving sense of unstructured-ness in them. Glad to be so, too.
Anyway, coming back to the point (high time I do), let’s just attempt to unload ourselves, even a little bit we can, because we know a lot of good and bad things are in the store for us in the future, so let’s give them also a chance to be stored and preserved in our minds, and appreciate the uncertainty we have been blessed with.
Until next time…